Sunday, March 14, 2010

Crazy, or Crazy Practical?

Caution: The ramblings of a crazy and obsessive, sleep deprived and over-stressed, recovering type-A perfectionist ahead.
As I was lying in bed late last night (later than usual due to the time change and a rare but much needed nap earlier in the day) my nightly visitors came calling. These visitors are lists of things I need to do or get in the upcoming week, and they race constantly through my mind until I think I have a handle on them. At last, I am able to move onto other things - usually scenarios of adoption doom (I mean, don't I sound like a blast to hang out with right now??). These include anything and everything from my kids hating me and not wanting to be adopted by us, to not having the documents at the airport and missing our flight home, to our kids pooping constantly and it running out all over us uncontrollably. One of my nagging fears is our dossier getting mis-mailed, misplaced, set aside, ignored, lost in transit, etc.. I can not let this one go. I think I have been obsessing over it a bit. Anyone else?? Anyone else lie awake at night thinking of worst-case scenarios? And I am a perpetual optimist, so this is new ground for me.
Well, to combat the fear of my dossier getting lost, I thought I had the most brilliant idea ever last night. It helped me to finally get to sleep and put my mind at ease about this one particular problem. My solution? To simply insert a GPS tracking device into my dossier. TADA! Perfect! Problem solved. It is like taking UPS tracking to a slightly elevated level. Now I can see exactly where my dossier is at all times. If it is spending too much time at one location, I can just make a call and ask why. This is brilliant, my problem is solved, I can not wait to tell Jonathan in the morning. Oh, and before I fall asleep, I think of an even more brilliant solution to another nagging problem. Why do I need to be kept in the dark the whole time while my dossier sits on that desk or gets translated or whatever is happening to it? And what is happening to it? I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!! So, while I have a GPS thingamajig on it, why not just attach a sound transmitter as well?? OF COURSE! I AM A GENIUS. I could give the sound transmitter to my friend Saba, who speaks French, AND just got back from living in Rwanda for a year, so she's totally used to their accent and dialect. She can translate in her spare time (Saba, you could even take it to work, those crazy people won't know the difference). My plan is perfect. I will know where my dossier IS at ALL times, and what is going on around it. YES! PEACE OF MIND. SLEEP.
So, I got up in the morning, eager to tell Jonathan the SOLUTION TO ALL OUR PROBLEMS. He did not see it that way. He said I was crazy. As in borderline mentally losing it. I was sort of offended. I mean, okay, maybe it is a little overboard, I admitted, but... No, he insisted, I need major help. Turns out, if you send a GPS thingy with a listening device, I guess you can be arrested for spying. Like, internationally spying. I don't know who would want to spy on Rwanda, especially in the Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion, but apparently I now qualify. I don't really want to spy, just listen for my own sake, not sell the information or use it for anything.. Turns out that doesn't matter either. So, even if I scratch the listening device, he still thought I was being crazy. Something about being obsessive, needing to let go, all we need to know is that Peter gets it, blah blah... AHHHHH
Why are the men so non-emotional about this?
Why am I in constant knots about this? I am never like this!
I will leave you with one final thought that I also can not get out of my head. I can not get the School House Rocks, "I'm Just a Bill" song out of my head. It has been playing in my head for almost a week, driving me crazy. What grown person goes around singing that song? And I keep picturing the little bill all tied up neatly in the middle with his smiling face. Anyway, it has impressed upon me the need for School House Rocks to come back and make a song and video about a dossier, and how it is put together and what it goes through, ending with a family being united in then end. So, anyone have any connections to them? That would really help me out. And that concludes this editions of bizarre wanderings inside my head.


  1. the great thing is that I can hear you reading this post in my head.

  2. Oh so glad I am not the only one.....:)

  3. hello, just found your blog via 4more. i'm from abilene, and my husband and i are in the beginning stages of rwandan adoption. i would love an email to discuss just a couple of questions! if you have time, please email me at karasheets at yahoo dot com.

  4. You are definitely not crazy!!! I say some of the same things and my husband makes the same comment. You are definitely not alone in this world either. Not to mention, I feel like our dossier is the most valuable thing I own at the moment. A GPS tracking device is a great idea!!!

  5. I love you, but I have to vote for crazy! However, we all have our own things we are crazy about and you know I've got plenty, so you're not alone. Just let your husband help you keep it sane, as mine does for me.

  6. As a fellow obsessive, I can relate. My mind also races in bed at night. Try praying instead. It always works better for me. This sounds like a clear case of LET GO, AND LET GOD!